Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
