I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
