I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
