If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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