hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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