dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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