Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
