so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize