So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
