i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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