we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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