not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
