Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
