Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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