M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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