Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
