I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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