$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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