yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
