dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
