i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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