giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
When did angry sex become our thing?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
