i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
