So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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