I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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