You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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