this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
