"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
