I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
