Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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