remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Less talking, more tequila
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
