I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
