That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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