Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
