fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
