Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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