That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
