I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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