youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize