so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
