i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
