I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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