OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize