He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
