Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
