I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
