too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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