help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
