We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize