why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
