At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
