Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Holy sore nipples Batman
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
