Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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