I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize