he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
