I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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