i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize