uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I looked at my own cervix.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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