The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
