sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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