My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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