Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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