Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
