I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where is the hickey?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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