Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wear drunk well.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
