He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize