Do you still have your period?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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