At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
