why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
