Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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