Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
where am i from again
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
