What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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