Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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