I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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