My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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