i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
