Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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