I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
