Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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