ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
