Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
