This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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