We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
