Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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