i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
