I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize
