New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
try to milk me bitch
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
