I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
