TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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