So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
