No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
